apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
