One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize