All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I will be naked everywhere
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
