dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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