you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
not ubering you a puppy
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize