I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
