The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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