i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize