My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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