i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
