Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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