he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
