Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
