my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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