So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
