Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
