I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
