just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
