Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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