his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
