Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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