pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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