dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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