Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we made out on top of his cat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
