I wish I could teleport
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
