yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
