So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
