I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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