Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
