I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
be right there i have to get my cape
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
