I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
