that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize