hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
