Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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