I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
