I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
