Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
