Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
