his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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