Im at strip club and am horny
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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