i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize