he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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