dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
