Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
