i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
