did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
