Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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