I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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