Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
