I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
