I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
