Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
