im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
