Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Im part way to drunk.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
