I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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