One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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