I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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