I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
