I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
