He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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