In the future we'll all be gay
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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