I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
