I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
