I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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