I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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