Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
