I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
