Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it glows. i had to have it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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