I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
His nipple licking is glorious
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