please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
