Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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