The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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