you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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