ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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