evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
