The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
