your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
