I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
